Memories Are All Around You

I've the distinctive feeling of something vague
The tension in this room is about to break
Thoughts are clouded and a little foggy
Stains on the carpet made by overturned coffee
Memories fill every inch if this place
Laughter and cursing and love being made
Such parallels make life really worth living
If it weren't for the negatives
Nothing could be positive
Bruise and battle scars
Dot this hardwood floor
Would you really live without me?
Knowing all of this was surrounding?
And yet, I still love you today
I can't help but think of you every day

May 29, 2009

First off, I need to catch up on a bit.
1). I know longer work for TRG (by the grace of God..)
I was fired for resetting a password for the son of a non-English speaking customer while his father was within earshot. Go suck some balls, fucking douchebags!
2). I am now working on a compilation of short stories. I haven't thought of a name of the compilation yet, but I will once I finish. Hopefully this will get me on the right track to success and land me a spot on the New York Times Bestselling List.
3). Me and my girlfriend are doing fine now. We worked out many issues we had, but we still have some glitches. It might take a few expansion packs to correct these bugs.
I'm a very committed person and I will get it right even if it kills me.

Off to part 2 of my seminar. If anyone reads this, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I know this isn't as interesting as a lesbian sexual fantasy blog or anything but hey, it's a start. If you are an editor of a book company, or know someone who is, or are linked to said person, LET ME KNOW. As of now, I am signing off.

April 27th 2009

As of now, my patience with TRG is waning. I'm approaching nine months there and still I have found no rewards; growing incompetence with the management, horrible communication between the mothership and her children is slowly wearing down my mind, and my urge to become my dream is still driving me on like a man lost in a desert to find that oasis. My hands are bleeding from the cactus I grabbed, and now I'm looking for a new direction; north, I can keep waiting and head back where I just came from, south I can move on and keep trying other technical jobs if possible, west I can try and search the wanted ads and see if I can find something worth attempting, or east and just quit right now and start from scratch. I'm not sure as of now which I prefer, but east is my last option. I'm parching badly now. So I bit into the cactus to try and suck the little drops of water that are stored in this false palm tree. My gums bleed, my thirst quenched for just a little while longer but my time in this little chunk of desert is nearing its end, boys and girls. I feel night growing closer, the air cooling down for now, so I will camp in this false paradise for now. Send me a sign, oh Lord; if you're still listening. Tomorrow may be a new dawn; a whole new perspective, but that is highly unlikely. Goodnight blood-red moon, goodnight fake palm tree with your sour water, and good night the shadow of a fake pond

April 20th 2009

Not much to say here. I wrote this a day late because I was very sick yesterday, I even had to leave work at noon because of it. Some weird bug got into my system and flushed everything out. I'm fine now, just trying to eat a little more to get some strength. Tomorrow (today), I am going to give Star her present. I am going to go buy her 3 lilies and a teddy bear to go with it. She's been driving me nuts for flowers since February so I thought I'd get her some. It's also been driving her crazy because I won't let her know what it is.

April 19th 2009

Today was another SSDD. I began to read the book I purchased about Jim Morrison. I have yet to get through the introduction but from what I learned about Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain, it will probably show me the human side of the Lizard King. I played some Halo 3 today and I could tell its been a while since I've played any Halo. I'm still being turned down repeatedly for my friends to add me on Xbox Live. They have this intense paranoia of adding me for some reason. It reminds me of high school; always being the outcast. I added Brittany and Caleb back on MySpace but she informed me that Caleb has no computer access for 2 weeks when he gets out of basic training. I'm bummed because I have lost all my friends but it hurts the most to see a brother go to the wayside. You live once and why ruin that one time with a small argument? It's like a burning inside that grows day by day, knowing that I have one friend left and she just happens to be my girlfriend. The rest are just on my friend lists, sitting there, like an old Bible laying on the coffee table. You don't know why you have it there, but its just become a comfort to look at it, to know its there.

Riders on the storm
Into this house we're born
Into this world we're thrown
Like a dog without a bone
An actor out alone
Riders on the storm

...and yet, I couldn't agree more. So children, with a pause in your life from reading this, have you began to wonder about me? What drives me to write everyday; all these nonsensical notations on a life no one will ever know besides himself? Well, I thought that maybe I could inspire a soul. Put fuel in his tank. Show him the ropes. Alas, I will be the only person to read this (and maybe 3 more people, if even that...). Feel free to comment, if you feel the urge. I won't bite.

April 18th 2009

I have a confession to make. I don't think I have ever felt this lonely or isolated. For years, I craved being away from everyone and having someone to talk to. Now that I do, I still feel that empty feeling inside. It's something I can't hide or make go away. Star is in Ohio, all my friends are in college and have turned into Mr. Hyde. It must be a college thing but I hope to God I don't drink that elixir. I try to reach out to people but they are so far away that I can't stretch far enough. The few I can reach make me feel like I'm more of a pest than a friend. And there you go, boys and girls, the truth of life is that no matter who you think your friends are, they're just mirages in disguise. Like a lonely lost man in the desert, desperately going for that oasis, only to find it is just a shadow and gets pricked by the cactus he thought was a palm tree. As Bob Dylan said, “There must be some way out of here”.
I crave the recognition that I'm not a monotone, mumble-speeched retard people take me for. When my speech goes all haywire because of my sinuses making my tongue swell, I feel like a lower-life form trying to communicate with geniuses. I feel people stare at me, like someone staring at the bearded lady or the conjoined twins at Freak Shows. I play guitar but no one even knows that. I think I do well but shutter at the mere thought of approaching a stage with guitar in-hand. I get nervous too easy and my mind takes a hike when the pulse accelerates. I've written hundreds of poems and songs, and very few anyone have read, but all I get is a few few “oh thats good” and “you're talented”, “blah blah blah”.
I feel like I'm approaching my own oasis, only beginning to realize it isn't there. Eventually, in due time, I will prick my hands on that cactus, and in all likelihood, I will just go in search of another mirage just like everyone else in this world. SOS, my friend; SSDD. “Keep on truckin'”. “Life's a garden; dig it”. “Smile like you mean it”.

April, 17th 2009

Well hello old friend. It's been a long time. I still work at TRG and I'm still level 1 ranking. My scores have been mediocre, I know, but do you expect every person to not call back? FTR (First Time Resolution) is retarded. If they call back on the same service (data, video or voice) within a week, it dings you, even if its not the same problem. As if we can help that. It gets pretty frustrating sometimes but I have figured out how to calm angry customers down now (at least some of them). Me and Star are doing okay. She's in Ohio until the 19th for spring break. She gets mad because I don't talk to her much but she hasn't called me since shes been there (what a joke..). I've been trying to work on some short stories to maybe compile into a collection and submit them, but who knows how far that will go. No one reads my stuff, including Star. She glances over them but she is the only person who opinion really matters to me (and maybe some fans if I had some). I'm still reading Room Full Of Mirrors, a biography of Jimi Hendrix, but I should finish it up this weekend. Then I'll start on one of Jim Morrison. I've gotten back into manga recently; mostly Rurouni Kenshin, YuYu Hakusho and Dragonball. Well I'm out of here, I'll write in you tomorrow if I find anything worth talking about.

January 19, 2009

Well folks (I mean, the only person who reads these.. which would be me), life is going good so far. I'm hating TRG and preparing to leave from this little canoe into a luxury ship. Verizon called me in for some testing, in which I passed with flying colors, and they are supposed to call me back in a few days. I really hope so. I want to start out on my life as soon as I can. It's snowing again, it does every year on my birthday. I hope today will be great, and I need mula for gas.
I bought Assassin's Creed a few days ago and I am freaking addicted to it. It reminds me alot of the first Prince Of Persia in a way. I also got the new Prince of Persia but I am preoccupied with Assassin's Creed for right now and Star is borrowing it anyway. Btw, I have a gamertag. Add brandonthecure, if you wish. That's pretty much it. See you folks later.